A Selection of Supportive Writings

Learning to Distrust Instincts That Take Time

Most of us learn through reinforcement which instincts are acceptable.

The ones that move quickly.
The ones that lead to action.
The ones that can be explained without much effort.

Those get reinforced.

The slower instincts don’t.

The ones that circle. The ones that return without urgency. The ones that change shape as you pay attention to them.

Those are often treated as indecision.

Over time, many people learn to discount signals that don’t come with momentum. If an instinct doesn’t push toward a clear outcome, it’s assumed to be unreliable or unfinished . . . <more on Substack>

If you’re thinking about motherhood on your own, there’s often a stretch of time where nothing is settled.

You may not be leaning one way or the other. You may have moments of wanting it, followed by moments of wanting to leave the whole question alone.

If you’ve shared with other people that you’re considering this option, they ask how it’s going. They ask what you’re thinking. Sometimes they ask when you’re going to decide. Or what you’ve decided.

It can start to feel awkward to say the truth, which is usually something like: I’m still in the middle of it.

For a lot of women, this phase is more like a low-level hum that runs in the background. . . . <more on Substack>

When Are You Going to Decide?

Practical concerns vs Validation

Most women I speak with come to the question of solo motherhood carrying a stack of practical concerns.

Money. Support. Energy. Age. Work. Health. The future child.

These questions matter. They deserve thoughtful consideration. But they are rarely the first question.

Beneath them is something quieter and more destabilizing.

Can I trust myself to make a choice this big without being validated by a partner or my family or my community or my friends?

For many women, this is the real edge. . . . <more on Substack>

The Question Beneath the Question